So here I am, a week after taking my results and currently busy at the greenery and university hunting (including scholarships and student loan). All the excitement apparently has already left my body and left an empty shell.. Just kidding!
I still excited but I'm excited for the future. Nowadays I wake up every morning with a smile waiting for my future to start, I'm like a kid excited to go to school for the first time! But I know that day wont be coming right now but I'm eagerly waiting for it. So now every morning I get up and go to the greenery (except today, my legs hurts from wearing industrial shoes all week long. Dang shoes!)
I miss my best friend so much (I'm just not telling her because I'm pretending to be angry at her), I miss how psychotic she could be. After taking my results we haven't been the same anymore. She manage to seep herself into a deeper depression hole. I guess it's because of my results (she thinks I did great; I think I was blessed and lucky). I remember calling her and telling her what I got and she sounded so sad. She told me her mum knew that my results are coming out and anticipated it, I guess that brought her down.
I wish I could tell her that we took different subjects at different levels (she took A-levels) and that we couldn't be compared to each other because we took different courses, but I know she wouldn't listen. When it comes to me and her she's always hard headed. I think what she's been through is harder and I'm in awe how she still can put a smile on it (if I told her that she would definitely deny it). The pain and indecision in her life are hard but she still manages to stand (she'll deny this too). I would always tell her that after uni she'll have her own life but something keeps her from thinking that far.
I wish I could fight her battles but I know she wouldn't let me. I want the best for her and there's no doubt that I know she would want the same for me but I wish sometimes she would be micro mini selfish, she can't do everything so it pleases everyone. If I told her to live her life she would say that she can't. If I told her to think of the future, she'll answer what future. Sometimes being pessimistic is good (it's true because it's scientifically proven) but that is only when being negative push you to work and do better not wanting to end your life. I want to tell her she's so smart and much better than I am but she'll just deny it.
You know who you are,
I'm never and I'll never be better but you are. Start living according to you, be a little selfish and not always selfless. Dream high and dream big, because you can make it. The only person from stopping you from getting there is yourself.
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So end with the mushy stuff, now I'm uni hunting and apparently so is my brother. I'm really hoping I don't go to the same uni as him.
My life is so hectic right now! In addition with me looking for uni my parents has decided to rerenovate the house (They renovated a few years back) which meant my room will be a garage space for the next six months (or until they finish) meaning I'm sleeping with every electrical gadgets in the house, hopefully I don't get shock.
Till next time blog!
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